Don’t fuck me like I’m your wife tonight…
I’m craving the pain that feels so good…
That pain that lingers in my belly making it saturatingly satisfying to awkwardly walk by my coworkers.
I’m begging you to spread it open and passionately pound it, punish it…
Don’t you dare spare me…
Make it do all the things it was made to do.
Make it squeak
Make it squirt
Make it cream
Make it hurt…
Do everything you would bashfully deny tomorrow.
Don’t apologize for calling me a bitch while your as deep as you can go…
Just say it like you mean it.
Pull my hair, smack my ass…
Make it erotically impossible for me to gasp for air…
Fuck me like you know it’s yours…

-Nik πŸ’‹

Kind of hot in here tonight huh??? Lol! Enjoy friends… Everybody deserves a little naughty sometimes… ☺️

*saturatingly is a Nik word that makes perfect since to me when try to describe something super saturated in the adverb form… Lol. Read my shit enough and you’ll see words like this quite often..

Constantly opposing…
My mind and my heart; two realms where the bulk of my ego reigns supreme.
The never ending struggle between my wants and desires is driving me to a place of emotional insanity…
I’m literally losing my fucking mind!
Do I stand up for myself and walk away with the ounce of dignity I’ve retained???
Or… Do I give it my all for the whatever teenth time in hopes of a different outcome???
Constant conflict…
A disagreement that has branded me with the emotional scars on the battlefield of a self diminishing situationship.
I can’t help to be pessimistic when my last hope forced to referee this ongoing battle just so happens to rule the part of me that declares me all woman…
So warm, so tight, so wet, so sweet, so deep, so right…
I’m fucked with no sign of a truce in sight…

-Nik

Epiphany

Posted: November 30, 2014 in Poetry, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

IMG_3220.PNG

-Nik
Stay tuned… πŸ’‹

You offer me honesty now that you’ve decided you’re done, but I refuse to accept it…
Conversations about how I misinterpreted our situation only feels like a slap of rejection…
The love I felt and tears I’ve cried were nothing more than my heart overreacting to the faux feelings you projected.
I understand that “all is fair in love and war” and “when it’s over it’s over”…
But I can’t easily claim that frame of mind when everything felt so real.
Just pondering this one sided display of affection only stunts my progression…
Do I digress and repress the overwhelming feeling to assassinate my character through text or to make that anonymous call just to further explain the level of hurt I’m feeling (which by the way has been communicated countless times)?
Do I wreck my mind searching for reasons within myself to make sense of why his “love” has not nor will it ever reach the intensity of the love I feel?
When you hear “we’re through” or “I just don’t feel the same anymore”, is it emotionally immature to try to fight for what your heart won’t accept?
Fact is…
I’ve done all of those things more times than I’m willing to admit.
All the unnecessary shit we self induce to prevent accepting what’s apparent…
Maybe he isn’t ready…
Maybe it isn’t you he desires…
Maybe the love he once felt has expired…
Whatever the reason for the change of heart or mind, respecting and understanding that it’s time to move on is always obvious when words aren’t as kind and dispositions are always opposing.
I give up!!!
I can’t live another minute feeling reduced by my OWN actions…
I can’t begin another day wondering why and what could’ve been…
Reality has finally become undeniable and my ego and dignity has resurrected just in time to save me by uttering two simple words…
FUCK HIM…

-Nik
Xoxo

Sometimes all it takes is two simple words… Lol! We all have experienced that one person that’s so hard to emotionally detach ourselves from no matter how hard we try. Being someone who lived in this nightmare more than a few times, my advice is to just let it burn… No matter how hard it is to let go of what you believe you love, you have to make that step to free yourself. You’re worth so much more than what you’re allowing yourself to become. Tell me your thoughts and experiences surrounding this topic! When do you stop trying? Do you try even when you know it’s over? I’d love to hear what you guys think! πŸ’‹

I deeply apologize for the injustice that allows your son’s executioner to get off without lawful consequence…
My heart aches for you with the highest level of compassion and sympathy…
I couldn’t fathom living through this nightmare that has proven to be the norm of our society.
I can’t express my sincere apology for the impulse of anger that has clouded the judgment of those who are furious and fed up with the apparent genocide, resulting in acts of violence fueled by decades of racial injustice.
I’m also sorry that instead of using this time to mourn the loss of your beloved son Michael Brown and to realize that chaos and destruction will not result in positive change, some have chosen to use this tragedy in a selfish non constructive fashion only to stimulate the stereotypes we try so desperately to separate ourselves from.
Lastly, I genuinely apologize that once again our justice system has failed to simply do what’s just, what’s right, and what should lawfully be expected…
The marches led and speeches given by our leaders past and present that emulated such great sacrifice and confidence…
The thousands of lives lost in the name of racial equality and justice…
We’re they all in vain?
I don’t want to believe such Mr. and Mrs. Brown but, in wake of this verdict, I am completely confused.
Your strength, persistence, and genuine love is your testimony as you continue to fight for justice for your son.
The journey won’t be easy and there’ll be numerous trials and tribulations…
Just know that you have a nation of supporters that may not know Michael personally but we’re mourning with you.
We KNOW the facts…
We KNOW what’s right…
We KNOW what’s just…
And we’re aware that change can not happen through violence…
A movement evoked by the memories of lost ones, indisputable facts, equality, and peaceful displays of protest are our only chance in preserving our dignity, our future, and the legacy of those we love and lost.

-Nik

IMG_3082.PNG

Hello friends, I don’t think I need to express how mind blowing this recent verdict is for everyone to understand and accept. I’m praying for the Brown family and the city of Ferguson. In the mist of all of the media coverage, frustrations, and complete shock, all I could think of we’re the feelings of Mr. and Mrs. Brown. How do you all feel about this? Did we expect this verdict? What are your thoughts?

I will not apologize for anything without complete understanding…
I will not be labeled “the bad guy” when I’m positive I’ve done nothing wrong…
I will not consciously stand by while you condemn me for reasons you’re not even sure of…
I will not be made to feel as though my actions are the result of your immaturities and petty gossip…
I will not stop loving you and praying for your prosperity; from a distance of course…
What has stopped is the power I’ve given you to feel comfortable enough to bestow such negativities upon someone you once labeled your friend…
It’s not that I’m not accountable for anything I say or do…
It’s basically my declaration of being and owning who I am without regret and my exhaustion of trusting and believing in tarnished friendships.
Spending unnecessary time pondering why things are different between us will no longer occupy my mental capacity…
The most I can do is continue to grow in the direction intended for me and realize that even the strongest friendships can expire without notice…

-Nik

Hello all… Just curious… Do you ever find yourself at a point in a friendship or relationship where you’ve exhausted all possibilities to have a healthy respectable “partnership”? Where reconciliation is no longer an option since its been tried and failed various times? When you stop accepting the blame and apologizing for alleged shade?
Let that all swirl around for a few mins…
Your thoughts are appreciated. Hope you enjoyed… 😊

Untitled

Posted: November 22, 2014 in Poetry, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

I may not be perfect
But I know I’m not typical.
I understand that I’m flawed
But I own all of them as if they didn’t exist.
To me, they’re not flaws at all…
They’re the blueprint that shows and tells a beautiful struggle called growth.
I’m aware that self confidence ignites ambition and progression, so I hold it at its highest esteem.
Acceptance of you absolutely and completely echoes volumes of sureness and potential.
It shows that even though you love your exterior, your interior is indestructible and ready to withstand all that life has in stored.
It proves integrity, morale, and dignity without verbal interaction.
Just the presence of you
The light that illuminates from your soul
The minds you drive insane with just the thought of your thoughts
You are beautiful beyond visual understanding
You just have to believe it…

-Nik xoxo

Hey guys… Thank you all for reading this! Honestly, I sat in my bed and just started writing and this is what poured out.. Lol!! And I love it! I usually try to schedule time to write, but when it just oozes out, it becomes special… I left this poem untitled because I really wanted your input… Any title suggestions???